“I won’t.” I vowed, because it was my fault. “You always promised you’d take care of me. “Alright.” I tightened the pink scarf around her neck and put my arm around her. “Alright, Princess.” I choked on the word. “Enough!” I yelled, tears threatening to stream down my face. “It’s always been like this, it will always be like this. “Don’t you see?” I said quietly without turning around.

I ignored every thread of feeling - and relished the pain of my heart breaking into a million pieces as I held out my hand in front of me. One path led to my future - the other to my past and utter self destruction. I closed my eyes then looked behind me as Saylor clenched the keys in her hand, waiting for my decision.

“You promised me! You promised you’d never leave!” Tears streamed down her face, the face I used to love. “I don’t understand!” She beat against my chest with her fists. And I knew it was only matter of time before she gave up on me too and allowed me to break.īecause in the end… that’s all I was - broken. Because everyone knows, when it comes to love, it’s not the fall that hurts… it’s the landing. I knew it was killing her - because it was destroying me.įalling in love, jumping out, even knowing full well that she’d catch me. If she wasn’t in my world, my heart would stop. My heart, my soul, it couldn’t survive anything happening to her.

My heart shattered in my chest, my lips moved to speak - to say anything to get her to understand the depth of what I was feeling, but I knew the minute I told her how I felt - it would be all over. I never realized that I’d be given that second chance I never realized I’d fail to take it. I’d always heard about crossroads, how people are given choices in their lives, choices that either make or break them. I’m empowering my soul - I’m joining with yours. When the word love actually leaves my lips - I’m speaking it into existence. Because when I said love - I meant I bled for you. I love ice cream, I love pancakes, I love the color blue - bullshit. To me, sorry was just another word in the English language that people misused - like love. To look her in the eyes and say, “Sorry, but I can’t do this again.” Then maybe I’d have the strength to walk away now. I wish I could have walked away four years ago. It’s funny isn’t it? People claim to know what love is - yet the minute they’re given the opportunity to prove it - they bail.

Toxic rachel van dyken